"Ideal" -- 1. existing as an idea, 2. thought of as perfect or as a perfect model; exactly as one would wish, 3. existing only in the mind as an image, fancy, or concept (Webster's New World Dictionary)

The "ideal" is not "the real" and "the real" is never the "ideal". The reason: Ideals only exist in our mind. They have no basis in reality -- at least not in reality as we perceive it.

We often forget this however, and expect the ideal conceptions of our mind to have flesh-and-blood counterparts in reality. But the problem is simply this: ideals do not have exact equivalents in this world. If they did, they would hardly seem real to us, because they would be purged of the very thing that co-mingling with flesh-and-blood concreteness demands -- edges, eccentricities, quirks, foibles, and all the other unique and fascinating aspects that make all of us less than ideal, but certainly real.

Do you expect the ideal in your relationships? We doom ourselves to perpetual frustration when we expect the impossible out of others. This has serious implications in our relationships.

For example, I have often thought that people do not really want a flesh-and-blood pastor, but an "ideal" pastor -- the kind that cannot possibly exist in this world. Kent Hughes paints a picture of this mythical beast in his book, "Liberating the Ministry from the Success Syndrome":

The Ideal Pastor...
is always casual but never underdressed
is warm and friendly but not too familiar
is humorous but not funny calls on his members but is never out of the office
is an expository preacher but always preaches on the family [or singleness if you prefer]
is profound but comprehensible
condemns sin but is always positive
has a family of ordinary people who never sin
has two eyes, one brown and the other blue!

This portrait would be humorous if it weren't so grounded in reality!

The simple truth is this: Leaders have edges. People have edges. No one of us meets the ideal and thus we all have our own unique quirks, distinctives, blemishes, and eccentricities. These differences should never be discouraged, but appreciated, valued, loved, and enjoyed.

Ideals do not have edges, because ideals are unreal, existing only in the world of the mind and not in the edgy, fleshly, messy and tangled world of human flesh.

In Jesus, the "Word became flesh" -- if you will, "the ideal became real-flesh-and-blood." This certainly did not remove his edges, for he certainly had them, although they are perfectly contoured. Nevertheless, he failed to meet many people's expectations precisely because of his edginess -- he was "real" after all.

Or consider Paul, or Peter, or John, or James. These men certainly had edges, as has every great Christian leader in the past and in the present. They all had their own set of unique oddities and quirks. And yet God used them anyway!

May God grant us the grace to rejoice in our own uniquenesses (our edges) and in the unique qualities of others, as we seek to encounter what is "real" in one another, rather than striving for an ever-elusive "ideal". God made no two of us the same for a good reason -- it pleases him to see his glory reflected in so many diverse personal beings! Join him in his pleasure by delighting in your own -- and others -- edges as well.

© Richard J. Vincent, July 21, 2002