The Bold Shamelessness of a Child

Children who know their parents love them have no problem asking their parents for anything. They are not timid, shy, or reluctant. They know the unwritten rule that they won't get what they want if they don't ask. And they ask because they know their parents love them and have their best interests at heart.

Adults, however, are more reluctant to ask others for what they want. Almost fifteen years ago, I decided to go the traditional route in regard to asking Elizabeth's father for her hand in marriage. I truly wanted his blessing. But I was afraid that his response would be negative. I hadn't known Elizabeth for long. Also, Jack was not a religious man and I didn't think he would react kindly to the fact that a Baptist preacher who made very little money was asking his daughter to be his wife.

It took everything within me to "pop" the question. Sitting together at a table following dinner time froze. My tongue became heavy. I forced the words out: Will you bless my desire to marry your daughter? After what seemed like a lifetime, Jack responded uncharacteristically by standing up, taking me in his arms and with a warm smile, saying, "Yes!"

I was afraid to ask because I expected his answer would not be positive. I should have known he would respond like a good father who wants the best for his child.

I believe that sometimes we are reluctant to pray because we are afraid of the answers God will give. It is easy to think that God is hard to please and eager to make our lives as difficult as possible. We fear that if we ask for God's guidance, God will send us off to Zambia for mission work. We fear that if we ask for divine strength God will provide a great trial or that if we ask for greater faith, God will make us miserable rather than send the Holy Spirit to inspire and empower us.

Jesus tells a story to relieve us of this fear. In this story, he reminds us of who we are praying to - a good, wise, and loving Father who wants the best for us.

How to Pray

Jesus tells his story in response to his disciples' request, "Teach us to pray." Jesus responds by offering a primitive version of the Lord's Prayer. The prayer is addressed to a loving Father, a perfect parent. Thus we view ourselves as God's children. Our chief desire in prayer is the hallowing of God's name. Our primary request is that God's kingdom would come, and that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven. After focusing on God's glorious nature and perfect will for the first half of the prayer, Jesus offers guidance in regard to three daily personal requests: Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us and make us forgiving people. Keep us from tempting situations which would arouse sin.

Prayer, according to Jesus, is no less than a total commitment to God's honor, a complete surrender to God's will, and a total reliance on God's care. In order to pray like this, we must trust God implicitly. And in order to trust God, we must have a sense of what God is like. Therefore, after providing a pattern for what we should say in prayer, Jesus sheds light on how we should come to the throne of grace by means of a parable.

A Tale of Three Friends

In order to understand Jesus' story we must recognize that it is a tale of three friends - the main character, a friend who is a fellow villager, and a friend from somewhere else who suddenly turns up as a guest.

We also must recognize that it is impossible to understand the dynamics of the exchange between the friends unless we place it within the unique characteristics of first-century culture.

Food was not a convenient resource in the ancient world. Food is readily available to us at all times of the day and night. We live in the era of 24-hour convenience stores. In the ancient world, people had to bake bread every day in order to meet daily needs.

This story takes place at an inconvenient time - at midnight. In the ancient world, it was customary to go to bed not long after dark. Oil lamps did not facilitate much late night activity. In modern times, with the ready availability of light, midnight is not that late. But in the ancient world, being awakened at midnight would have been later in the sleep cycle than is the case today. Going to a person's house at the midnight hour would be a major disruption at an inconvenient time.

Furthermore, the disruption would be to the entire household. In a common Jewish household, the family would all sleep in one room, side by side. It would be nearly impossible to awaken one member without waking the whole family. This disruption would be stretching any friendship a bit far!

Hospitality was held in high esteem in the ancient world. And without the convenience of phones or a public postal service to warn of an impending arrival, a guest could arrive at any time. And the expectations were that a meal would be provided. To fail to do this would bring shame upon the host family. And if no food was readily available, the host family would have known who, in a small village, had made bread recently.

So our main character experiences the dilemma of a late evening guest's arrival, but no food to serve. This unexpected guest arriving at an inopportune time is the context for our main character's bold and shameless request to his neighbor.

The neighbor's whole family is disrupted from sleep. He responds from within, "Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything" (Luke 11:7). Jesus, knowing the custom of the day, says, "I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs" (Luke 11:8).

The Greek word translated "persistence" is better translated "shameless." The neighbor is confronted by a bold and shameless request. John Wenham writes, "even if the neigbour's appeal to the sleeping father as 'friend' falls on deaf ears, the man will still do what is asked, not out of friendship, but because of his neighbour's nerve and audacity in asking."[1] Only by responding positively to the neighbor's "shameless" request could the awakened friend save face and prevent "shame" to his family.

Through the response of the neighbor, Jesus teaches us something about God's accessibility, goodness, and generosity. Jesus is not painting an unfortunate portrait of God's generosity in response to prayer by comparing God to the neighbor. Instead, his argument works like this: Everyone knows that a friend will help another out in a situation like this, even if reluctantly. "If this rogue will most certainly act and provide what is required, how much more certainly will the God of all goodness move to hear the petitions of those who approach in prayer."[2] The key phrase in Jesus' story is "how much more" (Luke 11:13). John Wenham writes,

the parable is not one that works by saying: 'God is or acts like this...', but rather by saying: 'If people are or act like this, how much more will God ...?' In this case the argument is: If a friend who is not really much of a friend (at least in the middle of the night!) will give you the bread you ask for, how much more will God your loving Father give you the things you need if you have the sense to ask him?[3]

God is like the friend in that God provides, but God is not like the friend in that God is not reluctant to do so. We don't have to be afraid of approaching God properly with our prayers with the right words or at the right time. We can be bold and shameless in our requests to God at any time. God is more generous and open than any friend: approachable, gracious, generous, and ready to hear our requests. God is not unresponsive, demanding to be prodded and pressured into responding.

Ask, Seek, Knock

Because of God's ever-ready stance to help a friend, Jesus encourages us to constantly ask, seek, and knock: "So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened" (Luke 11:9-10).

The parable is not about persistence in prayer (there are other parables that take up this theme). The shameless neighbor asks only once and is answered begrudgingly. Instead, this parable is about God's constant accessibility and desire to meet our needs. Brett Crump writes,

There is no such thing as an inopportune moment with God, nor an inappropriate manner of approach. "God... is not offended or dishonored by conduct that honor/ shame culture considered hateful. There is a 'good shamelessness.'" We are extended an open invitation to enter God's presence, bringing our needs at any time of the day or night, regardless of our disposition or manner of request, knowing that our Father always hears us the very first time. Herein lies the twofold lesson of Luke's parable of the midnight visitor: (1) God is always graciously disposed to hear every request; and (2) we are free to approach at any time without hesitation.[4]

Jesus encourages us to demonstrate holy boldness in our approach to God. He invites us to knock sharply on God's door with insistent asking, a search that refuses to give up.

God desires prayer that is bold, even shameless, in its approach to him. It is not shameless in the sense of coming to God for all the wants that we have. But it is brash and bold in making use of the access he gives us to seek his face and call on him to develop us spiritually... If a human being responds affirmatively to the earthly request of his neighbor, surely a gracious God will respond to our requests about basic spiritual needs.[5]

God is ever accessible because God, unlike the reluctant neighbor, is always and only good. "If we are ever tempted to imagine God as a tyrant who would take dehght in giving us things that weren't good for us, we should remember these pictures and think again."[6]

God is not only good, but God gives only what is best for us. Jesus teaches that it is inconceivable that a human parent would give bad gifts to inquiring children: "Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11:11-13)

The genius of the parable and of the sequence that draws from it is that it engages intense human feeling (the sense of shame; the sense of parental love and responsibility) and draws these directly into an attitude towards God. Jesus does not tell his hearers about God. He makes them feel something very deeply and then says: "That--multiplied a thousand and more times over--is how God feels about you! It is in the light of this knowledge that you should come before God in prayer."[7]

Certainly, not all parents are perfect. And those who've had bad experiences may find it difficult to trust God: "It is hard to trust a Father we do not physically see when the one we had is absent, distant, or cruel. But God is not a cosmic grouch."[8] But we must learn to "[a]sk in faith, but then trust in God's wisdom and goodness to do what is best."[9]

Good parents can be expected to give good things. And one thing that is true of good parents is that they "do not necessarily provide everything a child asks of them, even if they are able to do so."[10] Using Jesus' imagery, if a child asks for a basic meal - fish and eggs - a good parent will not give the child something dangerous instead. God does not always give us what we want, but God does give us what we need. And God knows that our greatest need is to possess God's Holy Spirit - the best gift, the gift of God's saving and sanctifying presence.

We can relax and trust our heavenly Father to answer our prayers--sometimes with affirmation, at other times with silence, often with responses we never anticipated--because we can have absolute confidence in his absolute commitment never to damage but only to bless the children he loves.[11]

We may approach God with holy boldness because of who God is for us in Christ - our perfect, heavenly Father who delights in granting basic spiritual provisions like bread.

It is not only important to know what to pray but to remember to whom we are praying. We pray to our heavenly Father with the identity of beloved children. We are not spiritual orphans in this world, but loved and cared-for children. Prayer is the fruit of an intimate relationship with God - an intimate, loving, caring parent/child relationship. Jesus calls us into a relationship with a Father who listens to his children, cares about their needs and loves to give them good things - a God who acts wisely and kindly in response to his children's requests. The Lord's Prayer is nothing is not an invitation to Jesus' disciples to enter into a child-parent relationship with God. "In the OT, God's name is unspeakable and His Being reverently feared, while in the NT Jesus informs us that we now can graciously call God Abba, that is, Father... Daddy."[12] Abba expresses intimacy, security, and tenderness in a family relationship. It is an expression of warm affection and trust.

God is greater than a reluctant friend. God is better than the most caring parent. God wants to share a deep, intimate, and mutually reciprocal relationship with us. Our challenge is to possess the holy boldness to approach God at all times and for all things, trusting God to provide what we need most.

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© Richard J. Vincent, 2009