I want to warn you about a monstrous creature.
Its size is misleading. It is small, but deadly. Arrogant and powerful, its potential for destruction is unparalleled. Like fire, it consumes. Like sin, it stains. An authority no less than the sacred scriptures teach that it is “set on fire by hell.” Untamable, restless, poisonous, deceptive, and hypocritical – it is a raging monster out of control!
I feel I must personally warn you because everyone reading this article possesses one of these monsters. In fact, you have it with you right now!
The creature of which I speak is the human tongue. Its influence and power far exceeds its size. Because of this, we tend to underestimate its power, both to hurt and to heal.
In order to use our tongues rightly, we must first learn to restrain its deadly potential. The first step is to know what we are dealing with.
Small, But Deadly
Do not let its size deceive you. The tongue’s power is out of proportion to its size. James spares no words in describing the horrific potential of the human tongue. Four phrases capture his details.
First, the tongue is small but pervasive in its influence. James illustrates the tongue’s insidious power with a horse, ship, and a forest fire.
If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide their whole bodies. Or look at ships: though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! (James 3:3-5)
The body of a horse and ship are large compared to the relatively small devices used to control them, namely, a bit and a rudder. A modern comparison would be the way a small steering wheel controls the large body of an automobile. In the same way that a small apparatus controls a large body, the little tongue influences and directs the course of our whole lives. Like a spark that results in a devastating forest fire, so one small insignificant word can result in far-reaching destruction.
Second, the tongue is small but destructive. James does not mince words. He is completely straightforward in his description of the tongue’s destructive potential: “And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). These are strong words, but they reveal the serious nature of our situation. Like a fire liable to break out of control at any time, our tongue lies among our members ready to destroy, if it is not contained properly. If we are not careful, we can spit the “fires of hell” on others.
Third, the tongue is small but untamable. The unending restlessness of the tongue is evidenced by the fact that it cannot be tamed. It is too wild, too fierce, too poisonous to be fully domesticated. James writes, “For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue — a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:7-8).
Fourth, the tongue is small but inconsistent and hypocritical. This is perhaps the worst aspect of the tongue that James describes: “With it [our tongue] we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so” (James 3:9-10). The very same tongue we use to praise God is used to curse people. Too often, we speak out of both sides of our mouth. Our words lack integrity as we proceed from worship of God to belittling of God’s creatures.
James’ description is shockingly hideous. It makes us feel as if we are in a horror movie, being pursued by a ravenously hungry and deadly monster – a slithering, slimy, poisoned tongue-beast!
But as negative as James’ description is, it also contains some light. The reason our tongue is so susceptible to abuse is because it possesses great potential for good. James has already mentioned using our tongue for “teaching” (James 3:1) and praising God (James 3:9). We can also use our words to encourage, help, and inspire others. But, according to James, the tongue can only be used for good when we recognize its great capacity for evil and seek to control its wicked eruptions. If we let our tongues flap wildly, then we are sure to bring untold damage into the world.
Strategies for Controlling the Tongue
The tongue cannot be tamed, but it can be controlled. To this end, I offer three strategies for controlling the tongue.
First, cage the beast. Though we cannot tame our tongue, we can contain it. The wisdom of the Proverbs conveys this truth: “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19). Perhaps it would help to remember how God created us. An old rabbinical proverb communicates well how God’s design can guide our expression: “Men have two ears but one tongue, that they should hear more than they speak. The ears are always open, ever ready to receive instruction; but the tongue is surrounded with a double row of teeth to hedge it in, and keep it within proper bounds.” Obviously, a big part of our holiness consists in what we don’t say!
But, does this mean that we should always be silent? No, speech is too great a gift to completely abandon it. For this reason, our second strategy is to speak less and listen more. Earlier in his letter, James offered the following general advice, “Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). In order to control our tongue, we must master the lost art of listening. Listening does not “automatically” happen. We can “hear” words but not truly “hear” them. In order to truly listen to others, we must be patient with them, respect them, love them, and be open to receive from them. This does not happen without effort. Listening is not a passive activity. It is active and involves much energy. Learning to listen – truly listen – would go a long way to curbing our habit to speak more than necessary.
Along with this, we should always think before we speak. “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28). Our tongue is, by nature, restless (James 3:8). In order to contain it, we must not only be “slow to speak” – we must also think before we speak.
Think of all the problems you have experienced due to a hasty word. Consider all the grief you could have saved others if you had kept a lid on it, rather than flapping your tongue. In a world where quick and witty comebacks are valued and extended silence is perceived as awkward and unfriendly, our temptation to unguarded chattiness can be great.
Third, build up rather than tear down. The tongue has a great potential for good as well as for evil: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (18:21). Other Proverbs communicate the profound power of words:
- Anxiety weighs down the human heart, but a good word cheers it up. (12:25)
- A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (15:4)
- To make an apt answer is a joy to anyone, and a word in season, how good it is! (15:23)
- Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (16:24)
Speech is a wonderful gift that can do great good and great harm. The old children’s rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” may help children deal with bullies, but it is not entirely true. We can deeply hurt others with our words. The Puritan Matthew Henry said it well, “Hard words indeed break no bones, but many a heart has been broken by them.”
Words like “You are worthless,” “You are a waste of my time,” “I can’t stand to be around you,” or “I hate you” can devastate others. On the other hand, words like “Good job!” “I’m sorry, please forgive me,” “You are so precious to me,” “I’ll be here no matter what,” or “I love you” bring healing and help to others.
Good words are a means of spiritual strength. One of the most vital ministries we can have toward others is purposing to bring life, light, joy, and hope to others through encouraging words (see Colossians 4:6; Hebrews 3:12-13; 10:24-25).
Ephesians 4:29 summarizes the three principles above in one concise sentence:
- What not to do: Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth…
- What to do: but only such a word as is good for edification…
- When: according to the need of the moment…
- Why: so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Good words “give grace to those who hear.” They manifest the gracious presence of the living God. Like a sacrament, they communicate the reality of God to others. No greater thing could be said about the positive potential of good language.
Giving Jesus the Final Word
Words are serious business! They can help or hurt, praise or condemn, build up or tear down. Because of their great potential for good – and for evil – we must pay attention to our language.
No matter what we think about our spirituality, our speech is the best indicator of the true state of our heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). Our words reveal the state of our heart. If our language is full of hatred, cursing, hostility, cynicism, or anger, it says something about our soul. On the other hand, words of love, patience, joy, hope, peace, and encouragement are indications of the Spirit’s transforming work in our lives.
Words are so important that Jesus taught that our welfare depends upon the right use of the tongue: “I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37). Our words carry great weight. Our words of condemnation will be remembered. But, take heart, every kind word, every word of love, grace, mercy, and encouragement will also be remembered. (Note this interesting prophetic passage from Malachi 3:16: “Then those who revered the Lord spoke with one another. The Lord took note and listened, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who revered the Lord and thought on his name.”)
Like David, we should pray, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3). The reason is simple: In order to use God’s gift of speech for the purpose for which God created it, we must control our tongue in order that it is used to praise God and build up others.
When we successfully cage the monster, we are free to let loose words of life, love, hope, and peace. What “you don’t say” is just as important as what you do say!
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© Richard J. Vincent, 2006
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