I Am America (And So Can You!) - Stephen Colbert

I love The Colbert Report, so it was a complete joy to read this book. Colbert has a wonderful way of stating truths through the absurdity of his radical right-wing on-screen persona. For example: He argues that fathers should be "a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?" (7) He has a problem with children. Why? "They may be cute, but they are here to replace us" (10). Another fun one: "Children are tiny versions of you, minus the crushing failure" (12). He argues that parents should set arbitrary rules to teach children respect for authority: "Don't worry if a rule makes sense - the important thing is that it's a rule. Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic" (11). He despises zoos because they present a false view of nature: "How are my kids supposed to learn anything about nature if the animals aren't savaging one another? I say we put all the animals into one big enclosure and let them battle it out" (41). He defines agnostics as "atheists without balls" (62). Sports have value because "they remain the one and only relevant application of math" (71). On homosexuality, he writes, "Now I've got nothing against gay people. I just don't like how they flaunt it. I'm perfectly fine with someone choosing to be gay, as long as he marries a woman and has kids like the rest of us" (109). If any of the above offends you, this book is not for you. But if you find his politically incorrect style a fun way to expose the absurdity of our common culture, then you'll be rolling on the floor.