How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words - Patricia Love and Steven Stosny
Wife: “Honey, we need to talk.” Husband: “Do we have to?” According to Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, these two phrases can harm rather than heal a marriage. When the wife says, “Honey, we need to talk,” the husband, with a heightened sensitivity to feeling shame and inadequacy in relationships, hears “that he is not meeting her expectations—he’s failing her—which sends him into the pain of his own inadequacy” (9). His lackluster response causes his wife to feel that he doesn’t care for her needs which plays on her fears of isolation and abandonment. Thus, the real problem is not communication – it is a sense of disconnection. Contrary to conventional wisdom, talking about it may or may not be the answer. This is, without a doubt, one of the best books I’ve ever read on marriage. For my extended summary of this fantastic book, click HERE.