Over the coming years, I believe that the strength of our children’s ministries will be a major factor in whether people decide to make NewLife their church home. In this article, I hope to provide current and prospective children’s workers with a common foundation for dialogue concerning this important area.[1]

Why Children’s Ministries?

What is the purpose of children’s ministries? The answer we give will significantly impact all that we do.

• If our purpose is to provide glorified “babysitting” for children while the adults do the “real” work of worship, then we will simply seek to keep the children occupied, whatever it takes.
• If our purpose is to entertain children because we assume that they are unable to grasp or appreciate transcendent spiritual realities, then we will seek to incorporate the snazziest programs possible in order to ensure the kids have fun.
• If our purpose is to use children’s ministry as a marketing tool for prospective parents, then our focus will be on creating the most attractive program.
• However, if our purpose is the spiritual formation of children, then we will proceed in a completely different direction. The significant question will not be, “Do we have the best program?” or “Is our program fun and exciting?” but “What does it mean for a community of faith to take seriously its responsibility to spiritually nurture its children and families?” (12)

The purpose of the church is spiritual formation in community (ultimately, not for our own sake but for the sake of the world). We gather together regularly on the basis of our desire to experience spiritual transformation in the context of community. This transformation is not egocentric (for the self alone) or even sociocentric (for the sake of the church) but worldcentric (for the sake of the world).[2] This is true for adults and children. If we believe our children are genuinely shaped by their experiences at preschool and elementary school, then we must believe that our children also experience authentic spiritual formation in the church’s children’s ministries – both nursery and Sunday school.

Age Appropriate Divisions: Taking Development into Account

All of us are on a spiritual journey. None of us has yet “arrived.” We all have a significant amount of “growing up” to do. This is true for all of us, all of our lives – both adults and children. All children follow general developmental stages which must be taken into account in the process of spiritual formation. Just as it would be absurd to teach an adult using only “object lessons” or flannel-graph, it is just as absurd to teach a young child using only concepts and propositions.

Psychologist Eric Erickson’s “eight stages of psychosocial development” provides a helpful template for understanding and evaluating normal human growth. “Each stage is characterized by a different psychological ‘crisis’, which must be resolved by the individual before the individual can move on to the next stage. If the person copes with a particular crisis in a maladaptive manner, the outcome will be more struggles with that issue later in life.”[3]

According to Erickson, the first stage (or crisis) of human development is “Trust vs. Mistrust.” Will the child learn to fundamentally trust or mistrust others? This is dependent upon the child’s experience of the world outside herself. “The child develops more trust than mistrust when the child has trustworthy, consistent caregivers and lives in a trustworthy, consistent environment… if these things are not present in the infant’s environment, then the ability to have trusting, loving relationships with others can be severely disabled” (44).  If this is the case, then nursery work is more spiritual than most people recognize. The loving care of infants helps nurture trust that will benefit the child its entire life.

Often the work that happens in the church nursery is seen as little more than baby-sitting. No wonder it’s hard to find committed volunteers! The caregivers in our church nurseries need to know that they are doing much more than helping parents. They need to understand that by loving, holding, feeding, and changing these babies, they are putting bricks in the foundation of trust these children will need in order to know and love God. (45)[4]

As toddlers begin to explore their world, they experience Erickson’s second stage, “Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt.” “For a child to successfully navigate this crisis, he must come to feel good about his newfound ability to master tasks like getting dressed, using the toilet, and feeding himself rather than feel ashamed or unsure of his ability to learn and execute new and necessary skills. Adults who praise and celebrate the child’s age-appropriate attempts at independence help him build a sense of competency” (46). The spiritual importance of nurturing the child’s feeling of self-worth and competency cannot be overstated. “If a child has been taught from his earliest years that he is not lovable or competent, not worth anything to anybody or to the world at large, that child is never going to truly believe God loves him. Forming that passionate love relationship God so desires from us will be difficult for the child who has never felt affirmation and love from the most important humans in her life” (48).

As the young child (age 2 to 6) becomes more aware of his social environment, he enters Erickson’s “Initiative vs. Guilt” stage. At this stage, the child explores everything, asks constant questions, and pushes boundaries. “A child who is discouraged, laughed at, or punished for taking reasonable risks or asking silly or outrageous (at least to the adult mind) questions will develop a strong sense of guilt that will follow her the rest of her life, causing her to put the brakes on risk-taking and creative thinking. But a child who is encouraged to explore within reasonable limits, a child whose questions are taken seriously and answered thoughtfully, who is presented with flexible-yet-safe, caring boundaries will grow up with a greater sense of competence and mastery of life” (50-51).

All of these important developmental stages exist under nursery and preschool supervision. Workers should be aware of the importance of simple loving nurture to inspire trust (the foundation of our relationship with others and with God), loving affirmation to assure the child that she is lovable and competent, and loving acceptance to encourage the child’s self-initiative and interest in discovery and learning. A child demonstrating these qualities is ready to transition to elementary Sunday school.

Young children ages 6 to 12 enter the stage of “Industry vs. Inferiority.” “To successfully navigate the elementary years the child must discover what she can do well and develop some basic competency in those necessary skills she cannot do well” (56). This is important, for “the child who has difficulty in school and is unable to master basic life skills will emerge from this stage with a sense of inferiority that can weave its way into the rest of her life” (56).

We want children to feel adequate to the tasks we set before them so that they do not feel inferior. We also want children to be challenged by the tasks we give them so that they do not become bored. Too much challenge is frustrating; too little challenge is boring. (By the way, we adults are the same way – we do not sustain interest in something that is either overly challenging or boring.)

At this stage of development, ministry should primarily consist of stories, symbols and rituals in order to imprint (as deeply as possible) the Christian tradition into the child. At this stage, the child is unable to critically evaluate what he or she is receiving.[5] In later years, the child will be able to decide whether he or she desires to embrace or reject the faith. If our instruction has been effective, even those who choose to reject the faith will never be able to completely escape its influence – it will have been too deeply imbedded in their psyche. Therefore, we must make every effort to weave the essentials of the Christian faith into our children’s lives through story, symbol, and ritual.

Stories are necessary because of their concrete component. “Young children think concretely and literally. They cannot understand an abstract concept unless it is continually and intentionally linked with a concrete action or object” (52). tories provide a concrete foundation for children.

The Bible is the source for our sacred stories. If we want our children to know God and be spiritually formed by God then we must immerse them in the stories of the Bible. “The Bible is a collection of ancient stories in which an ineffable, powerful, and enigmatic God is the main character. The Bible reveals a God who is just as relevant today as 8,000 years ago – and just as powerful and just as mysterious” (125).

Children are intuitively shaped and guided by stories. Our main focus should not always be finding a moral and applying it – a practice that Ivy calls the “Aesop’s Fableization” of the Bible. She warns:

When we use Bible stories simply to teach a life lesson, we dilute the power of the Bible to pique a child’s curiosity and sense of wonder and awe about the mysteries of God. Instead we turn it into a pedantic book given to us simply to teach us right from wrong. No child is going to fall in love with that kind of book. We need not be so concerned with figuring out personal applications of Bible stories for children [they tend to do this well on their own]. Instead we can concern ourselves with the all-encompassing story of God for the world. (131)

Symbols and rituals are also important in order to provide the child with practices to embody their faith. These powerful signs and activities allow us to enter deeply into God’s story. In the same way that an old memoir or photograph of an ancient relative prompts our memory, or participating in an old family tradition transfers a sense of identification with something bigger than ourselves, the symbols, traditions, and rituals of the Christian heritage provide us with props to fuel our faith, stoke our imagination, and stir our love.  “The symbol, ritual, and story of the child's faith community are integrated into the child's personality, and the child takes these on as her own. This does not mean the child has critically evaluated the beliefs of the community and chosen them because they make sense. The school-age child does not have the reasoning abilities to do this. Instead because the child is immersed in the community, she simply wraps herself in what she knows best” (58-59).

All of this is evangelism in the fullest sense of the word: teaching children in the ways of Christ by sharing the story of Christ throughout human history – a grand and glorious story which reaches and touches even them! By allowing God’s story to shape his or her own story, the young child participates in the gospel and experiences significant spiritual transformation.

A children’s ministry focused on spiritual formation will not view evangelism one-dimensionally – as a decision made at a point in time. Instead, it will view evangelism as a process. “But parents and churches who are truly interested in the positive soul care of the child will not be as concerned about this one-time experience as they will about the ongoing immersion of the child in the things of God and Jesus.” (62)  Furthermore, a ministry devoted to the spiritual formation of children will not manipulate them to decision but immerse them in God’s story. The point is not a point in time – the point is a life shaped by faith. For this reason, Ivy warns her readers: “I believe the time has come for churches to reconsider the overt evangelizing of children. The approaches typically used have little to no bearing on what's actually happening in a child's heart and mind. For the most part these tactics are manipulative, playing on the child's emotions and desire to be accepted and loved. A faith community should never be involved in manipulating the soul of a child” (65). Overall, an imbalanced focus on conversion rather than transformation has the capacity to short-circuit the entire process of spiritual formation. Evangelism is not simply about one decision; it is about inheriting and embodying a way of life.[6]

The Family Factor: The Real “Difference-Maker” in Children’s Ministry

“Family is everything to a child. Family is the first place a child forms and experiences relationships. It is a child's first experience of community. Family is where a child learns language and motor skills and where she develops her first view and understanding of the world. Family is the first place a child experiences love, intimacy, forgiveness, and physical care. Conversely, family can also be the place where a child experiences her first emotional violence, neglect, indifference, and physical hurt” (101). For this reason, “family is the most important arena for a child's spiritual development and soul care” (102).[7]

Because of the importance of family in a child’s spiritual development, the embrace of children’s ministry must extend beyond the child. “Instead of building children's ministries on more and more programming, the church needs to see families as the axis of their children's ministries. The first priority of children's ministry ought to be supporting parents in their role as the primary spiritual nurturers of their children” (108). A good children’s ministry will seek to support and equip the family to nurture their children in the faith.

This does not have to rocket science. At its most fundamental level, spiritual formation can occur through shared stories and shared service. Regular family interaction provides the environment where family members tell their own individual stories of daily living, where they share stories of family history, and where they relate these stories to the ancient biblical stories passed down (111-112).[8] Family is also our first place of self-giving service to others. “Service is an essential element of healthy family life. In order to maintain a home, each person in the family must share in the various tasks necessary to keep life running smoothly… These daily efforts at serving and sacrificing lay the groundwork for the life of service to which our faith communities call us” (113).

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 demonstrates God’s wisdom in the importance of the family in nurturing faith:

Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart: and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Ivy provides helpful comments on this foundational passage:

First, in giving this command to the Israelites, God was reinforcing the idea that parents are in the best position of anyone to communicate the things of faith to their children. Second, it shows us that God understands the old adage that faith is more caught than taught. The best faith education is informal. The best faith education comes from asking God to be present in all the everyday, mundane acts of life as well as the monumental and life-changing ones. (107)

Children Among Us: Integrating Children into the Community of Worship

Children must know that they belong in our community. “One of the grave errors churches make is to view children simply as consumers of church services rather than as valued members of the community” (82). Churches often fail to recognize that “children need to be involved in processes that communicate belonging. An affective relationship with people in the faith community other than their parents and relatives is an important piece of their spiritual nurture. Children must feel they belong in their faith community as much as the adults do” (65-66)

A community shares experiences, common goals and purposes, and a clear sense of identity (74-75).  “If a group does not have a clear picture of who they are and what that means for the actions and life of the group, then the group will be constantly trying on new identities, resulting in confusion for the group members and possible conflict between the group members” (75). The goal of NewLife is clear: we desire to promote authentic spiritual formation in community for the sake of the world. Individually, we desire to grow in christlike love (“authentic spiritual formation”), and, corporately, we desire to nurture one another to christlike love (“formation in community”). This transformation is intended to benefit others, especially those outside the community of faith (“for the sake of the world”). Our corporate gatherings of worship are the main source for accomplishing this goal.

For this reason, children should both participate and contribute to our corporate worship. “[C]hildren need to be guided in processes that involve participation. For positive spiritual nurture to happen, children must be allowed to participate in the activities and rituals of the faith community” (66). We need to creatively provide opportunities for children to work alongside adults.[9]

By participating in the faith community, children participate in that which has the most influence in their lives – not the individual Sunday School lessons, not even the traditions, rituals, and symbols, but the people of their community who embody God’s truth and the ancient tradition.

The child sees adults who struggle, who trust God, who make mistakes and are forgiven, who work for mercy and justice, who model kingdom values. This modeling is powerful teaching for children – more powerful for faith development than listening to a hundred Bible stories or watching a month's worth of VeggieTales videos. Children will remember the people of the faith community and their lives more than any Bible facts they learned at a church program. (66)

This model is especially powerful when it is manifested by someone who actively participates in children’s ministry. “What a shame that the adults in our churches can't see the importance of connecting with the children in the community! The friendships children form with those who lead them in religious education are among the most influential relationships they will have in the community” (96).

Is real church for adults only? Unfortunately, this is what many think. We must rethink the inclusion and participation of children in our weekly worship. Should they always be dismissed? What should be the extent of their participation? Are there creative ways we can restructure Sunday to better facilitate spiritual formation for all? This goal should direct all that we do. This discussion should also extend to our teenagers. Why do we expect them to listen to extended lectures containing complex and difficult material in High School and then let them off the hook when it comes to attending to preaching and teaching? There are no easy answers, but our conclusions should not be determined by parental response (or the children’s response, for that matter).[10] Our conclusions should be rooted in a shared desire (and responsibility) to find creative ways to further authentic spiritual formation in community.

Questions for Discussion

Age-Appropriate Divisions: Taking Development Into Account

1. Using the eight stages as a basis for guiding adult influence in children’s lives, what significant things can nursery and preschool workers nurture? How are these things related to spiritual formation?

2. If we take developmental concerns into account, the issue of age-appropriate divisions arises. If we want all our children to be challenged and yet still not feel inferior (appropriately challenged and yet not bored), then they should be divided appropriately. Obviously, our limited number of workers provides us with a challenge. What should we do? If we divided the one large group into two groups, what would the appropriate age division be? Should we emphasize the importance of children’s ministry to provide us with more workers?

3. What stories, symbols, and rituals are essential to the Christian faith? What basic teachings do we want to imprint and embed in our children’s lives?

The Family Factor: The Real “Difference-Maker” in Children’s Ministry

1. What can children’s workers do to support parents in their role as the primary spiritual nurturers of their children? What resources can we offer? What support can we give?

2. Spiritual formation occurs through shared stories and shared service. What can we do to encourage the sharing of family stories and their connection to the Bible’s story? What can we do to help promote family service and its connection to service to God?

Children Among Us: Integrating Children into the Community of Worship

What can we do to integrate children more regularly into the larger community’s worship? In what ways can we encourage children to participate and contribute? Be creative!

Miscellaneous

Nothing is set in stone. Is our current format conducive to the spiritual formation of children? Are there other creative ways we could do children’s ministry?

© Richard J. Vincent, 2005