A Tough Hide and a Tender Heart

One of the best words of advice I ever received concerning ministry was this: Instead of having a tough heart and tender hide, seek to nurture a tough hide and a tender heart.

Ministry is a great privilege and responsibility. It's a source of great joy. However, it is also the source of frustration. Our benevolent actions are not always appreciated. Our good intentions are sometimes misunderstood. Our personal sacrifices may go unrecognized and unrewarded. The fact that good actions are not always rewarded with a good response is evident in the cross of Christ. Jesus' ministry to others was perfect, and yet he was rewarded with the cross.

There is no guarantee that we will not be hurt in ministering to others. Sometimes, we are hurt so badly that the scars produce a tough heart and an increasingly tender hide. We become hesitant to give ourselves away again out of fear of being hurt. This is the reason we need a tough hide and a tender heart: that we might practice patient ministry for the good of others.

Throughout my years of ministry I have had to work with a variety of different personalities. Some people are great saints who are selfless, supportive, and giving. These are the givers who enrich and encourage your soul. Others are consumed by their ailments, trials, and difficulties. These are the needy. I don't mean this in a negative way. It is simply that their current circumstances force them to need constant support and care. They often drain the soul, but this is a welcome trade-off if they are helped. Others are "problem children" - people of faith who desperately need help. I remember one fragile parishioner who needed constant words of care as she wrestled with paranoia. Another heard voices in her head and believed that the CIA had secretly wired her house in order to moniter her actions. Later it was discovered that she had a large inoperable brain tumor. Another parishioner stalked a former girlfriend at church services. And there is not enough time to mention all the parishioners that I have logged many hours with only to have them turn on me. Indeed, one general axiom I have come to hold is that the more time you spend with a parishioner in counsel, the greater the chance that they will turn on you in the end. This is more likely if they originally speak highly of you.

Problem Children and a Persecuted Church

In Paul's earliest letter to the Thessalonians, he writes to a new and troubled congregation that is littered with problem children. On top of this, they face persecution for their newfound faith. With pastoral wisdom, Paul instructs the church in how to live together during troublesome times and with troubled people.

The situation is so dire that the church believes that the end of time is upon them. Paul counters their obsession with the end by telling them that Jesus will one day return to judge the quick and the dead, to judge evil and right every wrong. This "Day of the Lord" is inevitable but unpredictable. Because they cannot know the day or the hour of the Lord's coming, Paul admonishes the church to live in expectation of the day.

As children of light, Paul calls them to remain alert and sober lives of faith, hope, and love. In spite of their suffering, the day of salvation will inevitably come and they will be vindicated for their faithfulness. The good news is that "Christ has died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep (a metaphor for death) we may live with him" (1 Thessalonians 5:10). Nothing - no trial, affliction, or suffering, including death - can separate them from God's desire to abide with them in intimate union. Their union with Christ through the Spirit is the firstfruits of this promise.

As children of God's promise, they are called to "encourage one another and build up each other" (1 Thessalonians 5:11). As always, those who live by faith and hope are called to live in light of God's promise, that is, to live in light of future realities. Put simply: Since we will live together with him, we should live together with him now. The corporate expression of this is what Paul describes in 1 Thessalonians 5:12-18.

As children of the light, Paul admonishes the Thessalonians to be a community of grace, seeking peace with one another while seeking to bless the world. The gospel is proclaimed with words of promise and deeds of love. It creates a caring community where the focus is not solely on self-improvement, but on service to others.

The passage offers detailed instructions concerning "sober living." It gives practical guidance in our relationships with one another - our relationships with leaders, fellow believers, and the unbelieving world. The text is littered with "one anothers." We are called to "encourage one another" (1 Thessalonians 5:11), to "build up one another" (1 Thessalonians 5:11), to "live in peace with one another" (1 Thessalonians 5:13), to "be patient with all" (1 Thessalonians 5:14), and "to seek to do good to one another and to all people" (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

If we embodied these "one another's" we would go far - in commitment, self-denial, personal growth, and godly love.

Building Up Church Leaders (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13)

One of the chief areas where peace can be lost is in regard to leadership. The leader's role is to "diligently labor" among the congregation. This "work"[1] includes exercising a certain authority over the congregation - an authority that should be received with respect: "we appeal to you, brothers and sisters, to respect those who labour among you, and have charge of you in the Lord and admonish you" (1 Thessalonians 5:12). This "charge" includes directing, protecting, and caring for the congregation. God has given this authority to leaders to rule on God's behalf.

One special aspect of this authority includes "admonishing" the church. The Greek word, nouthateo, means to encourage, comfort, instruct, challenge and warn. It not only includes speaking words of grace, but also includes warning against bad behavior. Pastoral rebuke can sometimes arouse resentment and thus calls for respect in order to be rightly received. God has placed office-bearers in your life for a reason.

In order to dwell together in peace, the church is called to respond in appreciation and respect. Paul writes, "esteem [your leaders] very highly in love because of their work" (1 Thessalonains 5:13). "Very highly" renders "a strong double compound superlative adverb." It could be translated as "abundantly, without bounds, beyond all measure." It connotes a personal regard in the highest possible measure. "In love" speaks of an affectionate esteem. Paul wants leaders to be loved, and not thought of simply as the cold voice of authority. This bond of love is held, not because one loves the pastor's personality, but because of the weightiness of God's call, that is, "because of their work." This high regard, loving affection, and great respect helps keep the peace in the faith community.

I have come to believe that a pastor's influence is in proportion to the love, respect, and trust that the congregation has come to have in him or her. If you love and trust me, then our mutual ministry - our life together - will be fruitful. When love, trust, and respect are lost, then no amount of preaching or service can be successful.

In summary: The church is urged to think rightly of and feel strongly toward its leaders. We cannot expect leaders to work effectively without loyal, loving support. Effective leadership demands effective followers. "If we are continually critical of those that are set over us, small wonder if they are unable to perform the miracles that we demand of them."[2] 

Building Up Fellow Believers (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Though healthy leadership is important in a faith community, the care of souls is not delegated to an individual office-bearer, but to each believer in the faith community. Everyone in the church is called to help shape a community of mutual support. Pastor John Stott writes, "We are not to leave it to an elite of professional comforters or counselors. These have an important role to fulfill, of course, but supporting, caring, encouraging and comforting are ministries which belong to all members of the Body of Christ."

We are called to support and serve all varieties of people -- people with different personalities, people going through various trials, people possessing diverse degrees of growth and maturity. Different responses are necessary to meet the various needs. Paul does not envision a "one-size-fits-all" ministry.

Paul distinguishes a few of the special needs within a church: the unruly, the faint-hearted, and the weak. These special needs represent the "problem children" in the faith community. The problems are not viewed in the negative - as drains on ministry - but provide unique opportunities for ministry.

Admonish the idlers. The idlers or unruly are those who lack self-discipline and personal motivation. They are either disorderly in their lives, idle in their faith, undisciplined in their habits, or just plain lazy loafers who need constant pushing. (They may be identified with the idlers of 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12.) What they need is "admonishment" or "warning." Their present conduct must be challenged. We must urge them to mend their ways through spiritual disciplines.

Encourage the faint-hearted. The faint-hearted are the timid ones among us. They may be discouraged or anxious, despairing or fearful. These are the ones shaken by trials, opposition, and persecution. (They may be identified with the faint-hearted of 1 Thessalonians 4:14-17.) Unlike the idlers, they do not need a warning. Instead, they need "encouragement" to press on in the faith and to continue in the battle. They need our tender concern and warm consolation. We must treat them in the spirit of Jesus, of whom it was said "a bruised reed he will not break" (Isaiah 42:3).

Help the weak. The weak lack moral, spiritual, or physical strength (and perhaps, at times, all of the above). (They may be identified with the weak of 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8.) Unlike the idlers who need admonishing or the faint-hearted who need encouragement, the weak simply need our help. They need to know that God has not abandoned them, and neither will we. They need those who are "strong" in faith to put their arms around them and hold them up.

Be patient with all. Working with idlers, the faint-hearted, and the weak is not easy. Thus, Paul exhorts us to "be patient with all of them." This specifically refers to these "problem children" but it also generally refers to all believers. Patience with one another is necessary to keep the peace. Stott writes,  

One might say that the idle, the anxious and the weak were the 'problem children' of the church family, plagued respectively with problems of understanding, faith and conduct. Every church has members that fit this description. We have no excuse for becoming impatient with them on the ground that they are difficult, demanding, disappointing, argumentative or rude. On the contrary, we are to be patient with all of them.

One thing is certain: The "strong" are responsible to care for others. We are called to be disciplined (rather than idle), bravehearted (rather than faint-hearted), and strong (rather than weak), not so we can toot our own horn, but in order that we might help others with the grace, compassion, and love of Christ.

David Jackman rightly warns: "Beware of any church or ministry that does not have time for the timid." If we desire a ministry to only "the beautiful people" we are not following the pattern of Christ.

J. R. Briggs once asked the wise pastor, Eugene Peterson, to answer the following question: What is the greatest temptation when planting a church - and how do I avoid it? Eugene responded with this nuggest of wisdom:

I'd say ambition. Church planters are tempted to do what it takes to succeed. Most of us grow up as competitors, competition is bred into our bones. And most of us are good at it. But the very nature of church - the Christian life - is to stay close to the ground that you are given, the people you are given, the Jesus who comes alongside of us. The temptation is to look for 'leaders' or 'winners' or look at people as 'resources.' That is not a mindset that cultivates patience with losers and the mediocre. Not that we don't want to do our best, but unchecked ambition cripples us for dealing with the people who are right under our noses, the left-out and ignored. If we hold our competitive instincts on a short leash, we will probably stay small for a considerable time.[3] 

It takes a great amount of time and a great degree of patience to love the "problem children" of the church, but to do so is to possess the heart of Christ.

Building Up Enemies and the World (1 Thessalonians 5:15)

As important as it is to minister to those within the church, our ministry also extends beyond the walls of the church. Paul is not only concerned with our behavior toward fellow believers, but also with our relationships with outsiders to faith - specifically those who belittle our faith.

No matter what evil confronts the church, we are never to respond in kind: "See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all" (1 Thessalonians 15:15). There is to be no personal retaliation to evil-doers. The church is the place where the cycle of evil is stopped dead in its tracks. Furthermore, the practice of retaliation is to be replaced with active good. Evil must be overcome with good. This was no hypothetical admonition to the church. They faced real persecution, having suffered and continuing to suffer for their faith.

The admonition is absolute: We are to "always" seek to do good to one another and to all. "Always" insists that there are no exceptions to this injunction. Goodness in the face of evil must underlie all our actions--toward believers and unbelievers alike. In this way we manifest the truth of the gospel--by word and by deed.

Paul's counsel to his young understudy, pastor Timothy, is helpful in regard to maintaining a peaceful, loving, patient response to all people. He writes, "The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to everyone, an apt teacher, patient, correcting opponents with gentleness" (2 Timothy 2:24).

The Never-ending Possibility of Ministry

Everytime we meet there is an opportunity for ministry. Ministry should not be reduced to a highly-organized, program-centered, applause-provoking venture. Sometimes a simple word of advice or encouragement, or a small act of help is all that is necessary.

Only if you think of ministry to others as a way of life (a constant opportunity) can this be a reality.

We are continually in contact with other people, and often just at the moment when a little interest, a word of understanding, of consolation, or of encouragement would mean everything to them. The capacity to say that word is one of the greatest gifts in ordinary daily life. We possess that gift exactly in proportion as we forget ourselves and make the sacrifice which self-forgetfulness in our daily conversation demands. To do this continually requires a high degree of love of Our Lord. Nothing less than that will carry us through, for only too often our efforts will go unrewarded.[4] 

Effective ministry is often the accumulation of little acts. The smallest actions can become channels of grace to others - small deeds done with great love. Jesus himself said,  "He who is faithful in little will be faithful in much." There is no need to wait for a program or applause to begin doing good. Countless opportunites arise for those with eyes to see, and the willingness to act in faith and love.

Attitudes That Sustain Patient Service

Only a Godward focus sustains patient service. You will receive little applause if you follow the commands listed. You will often be spurned, your encouragement will fail, and your help will not be enough. There will be plenty of opportunities to give up. Only viewing all these things in light of God will give you the internal strength to persevere--to accept whatever God brings your way.

A sustained Godward focus includes rejoicing always, unceasing prayer, and persistent gratitude.

Rejoice always. Never forget that this command is given to a suffering church under the threat of further persecution (1 Thessalonians 1:6, 2:14, 3:2-4). We must not only learn to rejoice when circumstances are pleasant. We must come to see the hand of God in our circumstances. God is always with us, therefore, we rejoice in the Lord always.

Pray without ceasing. Paul is not speaking of uninterrupted prayer, but constant recurring prayer in all circumstances (cf. 1 Thessalonians 1:3, 2:13).

Give thanks in all circumstances. "We cannot of course thank God 'for all circumstances'... but we can and should thank him in all circumstances or 'whatever happens'." (John Stott)

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances. This is God's will in Christ Jesus for us. This applies to all three commands. With an unswerving consciousness of God at work in all things, we are empowered to perform God's will. We may not always feel like praising, praying or giving thanks, but knowing it is God's will helps us to pursue these actions and attitudes. God will give the grace to perform what God has commanded. We must simply commit to being faithful to pursue God's will in all things

Conclusion

Ministry is a great privilege and responsibility. Its demands can be great. And its frustrations even greater. We must seek to maintain a tough hide and a tender heart. Our life together depends on our patient service to one another - service that arises from hearts filled with faith. Our common goal is to seek God's will in all things - to be people who rejoice always, pray without ceasing, giving thanks in all circumstances.

© Richard J. Vincent, 2009